All Is You and Here
by Rana Eros
This story is a sequel to my story In Your Arms, This Lonely Place. It won't make much sense unless you've read that one. Any sense it does make can be attributed to Eliza, Boni, and jed, all of whom betaed under a time crunch and did so brilliantly. Thank you, ladies. Written to a soundtrack of Vienna Teng's "Feather Moon" and Daughter Darling's "Broken Bridge," from which the title is taken. Thank you to Melymbrosia for introducing me to that last song, and to Boni for hooking me on Vienna. This was written for the Livejournal community yaoi_challenge. My challenge was, "When the dam breaks -- A surprise seduction (to the seducer as well as the character being seduced) that forces a reserved character *coughcoughTatsumicough* to completely lose control." Two of the participants are surprised by the seduction, and the third is surprised it worked, so I'd say I'm pretty close.
Tsuzuki knows. Tatsumi is certain, though he has no empathy to confirm it. He catches Tsuzuki looking at him sometimes, and then looking at Hisoka. He cannot read what is in Tsuzuki's eyes in those times, and that is uncommon enough to make him nervous.
He is unaccustomed to being nervous.
He wishes to ask Hisoka if Tsuzuki has said anything, done anything, but Hisoka meets his eyes blankly and Tsuzuki always interrupts when he tries to speak with Hisoka privately. It feeds his suspicions. He wonders if this is the end of it and he too is expected to let it slip away until there is not even a shadow. He wonders why he is finding that so difficult to do, when it has always been his role.
It has been a month since Hisoka last came to him. He wakes and lies staring at the shadows shifting on the walls of his bedroom, waiting. He falls back to sleep without ever feeling the urge to rise and go to the kitchen. He drinks tea in his dreams, tastes it on another mouth, but he cannot say whose when he wakes again.
Tsuzuki watches him, and he watches back, uncertain anymore of what is expected. He tries not to think Hisoka has abandoned him. They had no formal agreement. They had no agreement at all, and every time Hisoka came to him, he expected it to be the last. Except now he realizes he expected nothing of the kind, and despite himself the shadows in the JuOhCho division have taken to rippling in Hisoka's vicinity.
He thinks it is just as well Tsuzuki knows, or there surely would have been difficult questions.
And then one night he wakes, walks down the hallway, turns the light on over the stove, and stands at the faucet to run water into the kettle. He does not need to see the clock to know it is too early for this by at least an hour, maybe two. He carefully does not think about that as he turns on a burner, sets the kettle down over the flame, and opens a cupboard to take down tea cups. His hand shakes only slightly as he places the third on the counter before him, and is steady again as he reaches into the pantry for the tea.
The knock comes as he sets the tea on the counter beside the cups. It is both too loud and too soon, the water not nearly ready. Tatsumi closes his eyes, taking a breath as he leans against the cabinet, but the knock comes again before he can finish exhaling. He pushes his glasses up his nose and moves to open the kitchen door.
Tsuzuki used to come for dinner and then stay the night, so the sight of him under the porch light sparks no old memories. Tatsumi is almost sorry for that, as old memories might soften the edge of the current moment. Tsuzuki stares at him for a long moment, then smiles guilelessly.
"Won't you let us in, Seiichirou?"
Hisoka stands at Tsuzuki's side, gaze still blank and one hand stuffed in a pocket, the other almost too casual at his side. At Tsuzuki's words, he frowns up at his partner, and the hand twitches. "Tsuzuki--"
"Naa, Hisoka. Not tonight. You promised." Tsuzuki keeps his smile as he glances at Hisoka, then back. "Well, Seiichirou?"
"Tatsumi-san did not promise," Hisoka argues, even as Tatsumi says, "Of course, come in."
He steps aside politely as Tsuzuki and Hisoka enter the kitchen, wondering what it is that he has not promised and Hisoka has. Tsuzuki's continued use of his given name gives him an idea, but it is not one he is certain he wants to dwell on, so he does not ask. Instead, he gestures toward the table as he moves back to the counter.
"There will be tea in a few minutes if you wish to be seated, Tsuzuki-sa--"
Tsuzuki has followed him to the counter, and he turns to find the man only two paces away. Tatsumi glances beyond him to see Hisoka still standing near the door, looking both forlorn and tense. Tatsumi takes another breath, and returns his attention to Tsuzuki.
"Why are you here, Tsuzu--"
"Please, Seiichirou," Tsuzuki whispers, "call me Asato again. Just for tonight. Please."
"Asato." It's Hisoka who says it, a trembling edge to his voice. "Don't push so hard."
Tsuzuki looks away, toward his partner. "I--"
"Don't push. Come sit down."
Tatsumi thinks it might be Hisoka's pallor that convinces Tsuzuki to stop. He has to fight not to cross the room himself, not to touch Hisoka and coax him down into a chair. He does not think Hisoka would find his touch soothing at the moment, however, and so he leaves the partners to each other, turning to check the kettle in an attempt not to hear their whispered conversation.
"I'm sorry, Hisoka. I don't mean to hurt either of you."
"I know that."
"I want you to be happy."
"I know that too. You must go slowly, though."
"I'll try. But, 'Soka--"
"I know. I know...Asato."
Silence falls, and after a moment Tatsumi risks a glance toward his guests. They are touching each other's faces, foreheads pressed together, eyes closed. He wonders if they are about to kiss. He wonders if he wants that.
Hisoka opens his eyes to meet Tatsumi's, and what is in them now is something Tatsumi recognizes well from other such nights. Hisoka pulls back from Tsuzuki, rises and crosses the room to stand even closer to Tatsumi than Tsuzuki had. Tatsumi waits for a touch, a word, but neither come. Just that steady look, that steady need, and for a moment it is only them in the kitchen, the air faintly scented with green tea.
Then Hisoka takes the single step forward and places his hands on Tatsumi's forearms. Tatsumi cannot help but bend to what he sees in Hisoka's eyes, and their lips meet for one breath, two, before the kettle whistles announcing the water is ready for tea.
Tatsumi straightens, but Tsuzuki is already there, turning off the stove and lifting the kettle. He catches Tatsumi's eye, then sets the kettle back down on the burner and leans in from the side. Hisoka shifts, accommodating him, and Tatsumi sees one of Tsuzuki's hands slide behind Hisoka's back before the other one comes down on his own shoulder and he's being kissed again.
Tsuzuki tastes more like Hisoka than Tatsumi remembers. He is not certain if that is because he was just kissing Hisoka or if it is because Hisoka and Tsuzuki have already shared certain intimacies this night. It's hard to consider which is the more likely when Hisoka is still in his arms and Tsuzuki is warm and familiar against his mouth. Then in his mouth, tongue pressing wet and faintly insistent between his teeth.
Almost immediately, the insistence gentles. He is not surprised that some part of him misses it, but it is better this way. And he allows himself to hope that this is why Tsuzuki and Hisoka are both here, so that Tsuzuki will not push too hard, and Hisoka will not ask too little.
Tsuzuki pulls back, smiles and raises his hand to Tatsumi's cheek. His eyes are almost too bright, but Tatsumi can't look away. Then Tsuzuki blinks, and glances down at Hisoka, and Tatsumi takes a breath. And loses it, as Tsuzuki leans down to give Hisoka the kiss that had not happened at the table earlier.
It is too much beauty too close at hand. He wants to close his eyes and take a moment to recover, and yet he cannot bear the thought of missing this. The lovely lines of Tsuzuki's face, the graceful lines of Hisoka's, dark hair and light and long, long lashes fanning against perfect cheeks of different shades of pale. Two soft, wet mouths he can still taste on his own, pressed together and moving slowly, carefully.
No, he has no intention to miss any of this.
Hisoka and Tsuzuki pull away from each other at the same moment. Hisoka releases his hold on Tatsumi's forearms, slides one hand down to fit it in his own, and looks up at him. Tsuzuki copies the change of position on his other side, but it is Hisoka who holds his eyes, and he can see now that what he thought was blankness is a careful determination not to push. In response to it, he can only think, *Tsuzuki should have been here all along.*
"Tatsumi-san," Hisoka whispers with barely any sound. Then he swallows, and says more loudly, "This is acceptable, Seiichirou?"
In answer, Tatsumi ducks down for another kiss, lets this one linger as the other did not, and savors the taste of all three of them in that mouth. He gives Tsuzuki a similar treatment, then squeezes both of their hands and guides them around until he is leading them down the darkened hallway toward his bedroom.
He can reheat the water later.
He pauses just before the doorway, wondering suddenly how this part will work. He has taken the lead for Tsuzuki in the past, and followed where Hisoka led. What will they want of him together? He leads them into the bedroom before his hesitation prompts questions, then turns toward Tsuzuki and reaches out. He has always undressed Tsuzuki, as Hisoka has always undressed him. Perhaps this much familiarity will be welcome.
Tsuzuki steps into his touch and stills it with a hand on his own at Tsuzuki's tie. Tsuzuki turns his head, and Tatsumi follows his gaze to Hisoka, standing a few feet away, silent and wide-eyed. Tsuzuki's free hand drifts up Tatsumi's shoulder, presses teasingly inside the open throat of his yukata.
"Will you watch, Hi-chan?" Tsuzuki asks in a voice that Tatsumi has heard but rarely, and its effect on him is both immediate and shocking. Tsuzuki sounds playful, but it is not the playfulness of a child or young animal. It is sultry, and confident, and even in the squalid light he sees Hisoka's skin grow flushed, Hisoka's small, lovely mouth open slightly, and those wide eyes grow hazy. Tsuzuki's hand on him feels very warm. "We can make a show of it for you."
Hisoka's eyes flash at that, and he crosses the space to bat both Tsuzuki's and Tatsumi's hands away from Tsuzuki's tie, turning Tsuzuki toward himself enough to jerk at the knot. "I'm not a child, Asato. I do not need to be coddled."
"Is it coddling to want to seduce you?" Tsuzuki reaches out to brush his knuckles down Hisoka's face, and Hisoka's hands pause on the tie. Tatsumi takes the opportunity to step behind Hisoka and set his own hands on top of Hisoka's, so that Hisoka is enclosed in his arms.
"If you tug at it like that, it will only grow tighter, Ku--Hisoka-kun," he murmurs as he guides Hisoka's hands in the task of unknotting the tie. "You must ease the knot apart."
"I have worn a tie, I know," Hisoka says, but it's not as irritable as Tatsumi would expect it to be, and Hisoka allows Tatsumi's touch, allows the careful caress of fingers between fingers as they work together to undress Tsuzuki, who is watching them with gleaming eyes and an expression that flicks from the happy child to the pleased adult and back again.
Once they've loosened the tie enough that it slides free, Tatsumi lets go and drops his hands to Hisoka's shoulders. Tsuzuki smiles and reaches out to aid him in removing Hisoka's jacket. Then Hisoka turns, unknotting Tatsumi's yukata as Tsuzuki pushes it off his shoulders, leaving him in his pajamas. And like that, there is a new rhythm, a new ritual, the three of them undressing each other by turns.
Hisoka is the only one of them in underwear, which tells Tatsumi how much of this is Tsuzuki's plan and how much Hisoka's willingness to agree so long as Tatsumi himself does. He says nothing, only sets his hands over Tsuzuki's on Hisoka's hips, and brushes his mouth across Hisoka's right shoulder as they push the waistband down. Hisoka sighs softly, cocking his head and shifting to step out of the boxers one leg at a time. Tatsumi keeps his hands on Hisoka as he feels Tsuzuki's skim up his arms. He raises his head to see Tsuzuki watching him from mere centimeters away, and he closes the distance for a kiss before he begins to move, slowly, without breaking contact, toward the bed.
Hisoka turns in his arms and meets his eyes as the back of the mattress hits his knees. He sits down, and Hisoka follows him as he pushes himself toward the head of the bed. Tsuzuki follows a little to Tatsumi's left. Hisoka above him is familiar, but he always used to draw Tsuzuki down on his right side, hold him close and touch him carefully and silently plead with him to let this be enough.
He never did.
"Seiichirou," Hisoka murmurs, and he remembers the last time they were in this bed. His thoughts had turned to Tsuzuki then, too, causing Hisoka to speak when they had never spoken before. Perhaps, he thinks, that was when the pattern truly altered. Perhaps that is why Hisoka has not come to him the past month. Tsuzuki has always been a part of things between them, but Tsuzuki's physical presence is a different thing from his...ghost.
Perhaps Hisoka recognized the need for that difference, and waited.
Tatsumi raises his hands to Hisoka's face and answers, "Hisoka," before he pulls him into a kiss. He feels Tsuzuki's mouth on his own shoulder, feels Tsuzuki's arm brush his side and imagines Tsuzuki running a hand up Hisoka's back. Hisoka relaxes into him, Tsuzuki presses a little closer, and he finds himself smiling against Hisoka's mouth. Maybe this is no more his than either of them separately, but they are giving this to him, and he will take it. As long as they give it, he will take.
Hisoka pulls away from his mouth. Tatsumi lets him go, wanting to protest, but then Tsuzuki is there, sharing breath while Hisoka tastes his throat. He growls in what he hopes is an approving fashion, and that earns him Hisoka's tongue on his collarbone. He repays it by running his own hands over Hisoka's body, meeting and caressing Tsuzuki's hand in the same task. Tsuzuki breaks the kiss and presses his temple against Tatsumi's, so they are both facing Hisoka. Tatsumi watches Hisoka arching under their touch, and then Hisoka raises his eyes and the look in them has Tatsumi grabbing for control with both hands.
Tsuzuki is not so restrained. He makes an animal noise and pushes himself down the bed as he urges Hisoka up, meeting him for a hungry kiss. It's beautiful, more beautiful than anything that Tatsumi has ever seen, and for a long moment he can only watch, can only feel the heat of them against him, above him.
Then they both turn their attention back to him, and it's awkward, this three-way kiss, awkward and messy and he has never wanted anything more than he wants to spend the rest of his servitude to EnmaDaioh doing just this. Or maybe not just this, as he feels Hisoka's small, strong hand wrap around his cock, touching all the right places, holding him with just the right pressure. He reaches out to return the favor, finds Tsuzuki's hand already there, places his own over it and lifts the other toward Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki pulls away, though, slithering down his body to--
He breaks free of the intoxication of Hisoka's kiss to gasp, "No, Tsu--"
"It's all right, Seiichirou," Tsuzuki says, looking up at him. "Hisoka will make sure it's all right."
Tatsumi wants to ask how he can be sure when Hisoka might be otherwise occupied, but that might sound like doubt in Hisoka's abilities, and he will not risk insult. Tsuzuki seems to take his silence as acquiescence, and lowers his head.
Tsuzuki's mouth is just as hot as he thought he had only dreamed it, slick and hot above the steady pumping of Hisoka's hand.
Hisoka's cock is also hot, and Tsuzuki's hand entwined with his own as they both stroke Hisoka. Tsuzuki rubs himself against Tatsumi's leg, and Hisoka bends to share kisses with Tatsumi once more. Tatsumi doesn't think it's quite equitable, but Tsuzuki and Hisoka both seem content enough, so he takes what they give him.
Then Hisoka's grip shifts, Tsuzuki takes more of him, and he forgets all about what is equitable. He moans into Hisoka's mouth, feels a flick of warm tongue and returns it. He lifts his hand from Tsuzuki's hair to Hisoka's face and holds on, tightens his fingers around Tsuzuki's and speeds up their pace on Hisoka's flesh to match what Tsuzuki is doing with his mouth. It's Hisoka's turn to make a small noise into their kiss, and then Hisoka is spilling, warm and sticky onto his skin.
His and Tsuzuki's, and just the knowledge of it, of both of them here, threatens to undo him. He turns his head a little and feels Hisoka panting against his cheek as he chokes out, "Tsuzu--"
Glittering eyes flash up at him in the semi-darkness, and for a moment he feels Tsuzuki, the shadows, his own body pressing hard against his control. Then Hisoka moves beside him, dropping his own hand from Tatsumi's face to Tsuzuki's head.
"Have care, Asato."
Tsuzuki eases back, slows down, and Tatsumi can breathe again. He turns to give Hisoka a grateful kiss, then swallows, and speaks.
"Asato, come up here."
He cannot feel Tsuzuki's confusion as he is certain Hisoka can, but he feels it when Tsuzuki pulls away. The air is frigid after Tsuzuki's mouth. Tsuzuki crawls up to hover over him on hands and knees. They stare at each other, and Tatsumi realizes that he is not certain when or which of them removed his glasses, but Tsuzuki's image is fuzzy. And too far away.
He reaches up with both hands, cups Tsuzuki's face and pulls him down for a kiss. Tsuzuki melts into the contact, warm skin covering Tatsumi as Tsuzuki molds to him. Tatsumi rocks up a little. Tsuzuki goes with the movement, follows it down and rocks in turn. It's a gentler thing than he is used to doing with Tsuzuki, but Tsuzuki seems pleased with it nonetheless, humming softly at the back of his throat.
There's a soft echo of the sound, and Tatsumi has to smile as both he and Tsuzuki break the kiss to glance aside at Hisoka, who watches them with half-lidded eyes, his hair messy and pale against Tatsumi's thin pillow. They reach out together to brush his hair from his face, to coax him closer and kiss him, all of their mouths meeting again. He raises one hand, traces their faces as they move against each other. Tatsumi catches his eyes, and they share a smile as Tatsumi remembers the times when it has been Hisoka above him, Hisoka's skin warming his. Then Hisoka closes his eyes and rests his hand on Tatsumi's shoulder.
Tatsumi turns back to Tsuzuki, closes his own eyes and feels himself approaching climax. He fights the urge to just let go and measures his control ruthlessly. It must be just enough for release and no more. He has taken what was given. He cannot lose it now.
He draws in a deep breath, loses it as Hisoka leans down and kisses his shoulder. Loses it as Tsuzuki shifts a little and claims his mouth again. Loses it, loses it, feels the shadows breaking free, feels his whole body flying apart, feels himself coming undone, coming--
Tatsumi comes to himself when Tsuzuki moves off of him, lifting up to get on the other side of Hisoka. Hisoka breathes against Tatsumi's shoulder, soft hair brushing his jaw, body warm and strangely boneless at his side. He blinks as Tsuzuki settles behind Hisoka, realizes that none of the shadows have moved; realizes that he lost control and all that happened is...this. He blacked out, and Hisoka....
"Hisoka," Tsuzuki murmurs, and Tatsumi focuses once more on the small body beside him. "Hisoka, you can let go now."
Hisoka stirs, makes some small sound, and then breathes out in a long, long sigh. Tatsumi feels awareness of the shadows coming back to him, feels what binds them passing back into his control. He looks down at Hisoka in wonder.
"What did you do, Kurosaki-kun?" he whispers. It is Tsuzuki who answers.
"Synchronized with your power through his empathy. He has done...something like it, with me. Or rather, I have done it with him. He said he thought he could do it again."
Tatsumi shifts onto his side, brings one hand up to stroke Hisoka's hair as he eases the other under the boy and draws him closer. "Does it hurt him?"
Tsuzuki moves as he pulls Hisoka in, staying pressed to Hisoka's back. He smiles at Tatsumi over Hisoka's head. "Judging by the sounds he was making when he did it, I don't think so. But you'll have to ask him when he really wakes up."
Tatsumi nods at that, moves a little to settle Hisoka more comfortably against him, and grimaces as the sticky residue on his stomach pulls at his skin. He begins to shift Hisoka away. "We should clean up. I will--"
"I will do it."
Tsuzuki rises, disappears through the door into the hallway before Tatsumi can speak. Tatsumi frowns. As host, it is his duty to see to the comfort of his guests. But perhaps Tsuzuki believes it better for him to stay with Hisoka, after what Hisoka did for him, and he must confess he prefers laying here with Hisoka in his arms to being the one to rise and wet cloth in the bathroom sink.
Tsuzuki returns already clean, and together they coax Hisoka onto his back. He wakes a little as he's washed, watching through heavy-lidded eyes without speaking. His eyes fall shut again when the cloth is lifted away, and his head lolls to one side as his breathing deepens. Tsuzuki turns his attention and the washcloth to Tatsumi. Tatsumi decides to allow it.
When Tsuzuki is finished, he begins to move off the bed again. Tatsumi reaches up and catches his arm, and holds on as Tsuzuki looks at him with puzzled eyes.
"I need to rinse--"
"Leave it." Tsuzuki only stares at him, so he reaches up and plucks the cloth away, dropping it to the floor. "Leave it, Asato. It can wait."
For a long moment he thinks Tsuzuki might refuse the gesture, might bend down and gather the washcloth and walk away. But then Tsuzuki's arm in his grip relaxes, and Tsuzuki's blurry face comes closer until it's not longer blurry, and then it's touching his. There is no demand in this kiss, only a softness that might be gratitude. Tatsumi lets go, and Tsuzuki reaches up to touch his face before settling on the other side of Hisoka once more.
Tatsumi's bed is crowded with three bodies, but there's enough room that he can sleep without touching either Hisoka or Tsuzuki if he wishes. He considers a moment, then moves until he can just feel the heat of Hisoka beside him. He reaches out to place his hand over Hisoka's heart, and feels Tsuzuki's hand slide over his.
He may yet pull away in the night, or Hisoka may wake and shift the balance of this connection with a change of position. For now, Hisoka sleeps under his touch, Tsuzuki's hand is warm, and his own heart feels less strained than he thinks it ever has. Perhaps it will not last, but it is here now and he will take it.
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