by Rana Eros
So this was meant to be for the fornicari prompt of a stanza from "I Sing the Body Electric." Then it went emo on me, so I tanked that idea, and now it's just for the "threesomes" prompt. Betaed by Eliza, who should get hazardous duty pay.
Yoochun knows what this is. He's never been under any illusions about true love or long-term. He knows he's not an accessory, they'd never think of him that way, his friends, his brothers, but nor is he an equal side in this triangle. There is Jaejoong and Yunho, and then there is Yoochun, and he can't resent them for the distance he feels. It's his choice.
He could have an and, if he were the risk-taker their publicists portray him to be. Instead, he buries his face in Jaejoong's dark hair to escape an expectation of lighter color, presses into the length of Yunho beside him and focuses on those extra few centimeters, listens hard to soft, breathy laughter and does not wish it louder, more bracing.
It's his choice, and he's made it. He'll live with it.
And it's no bad thing, to be in their bed, to brush his fingers over Jaejoong's flawless, luminous skin, to kiss Yunho's full mouth, to be surrounded by their affection and heat. It's no bad thing to be pushed into the mattress by Jaejoong's weight, or to roll Yunho over and taste him all the way down. It's no bad thing to be held between them or to hold either of them between. It is, in fact, one of the best things he's ever known.
There's no point in thinking it could be better. No point in the way his breath catches and his vision blurs, no point that it's not either of their names hovering on his lips. No point except that he's a coward, and they are already better than he deserves. He shouldn't want more if he's not willing to reach for it. He certainly shouldn't want what he already has to hurt.
Sometimes, though, sometimes he wishes they were less understanding, more selfish. Sometimes he wishes they'd turn him away. Maybe then he'd take the risk. Maybe then--but he knows better. They're his friends, his brothers, and they know him better than anyone. They'd turn him away if it would help. It's because it wouldn't that they let him in.
Yoochun knows what this is. It's his choice.
No ifs, buts, or ands.
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