If I had any fannish shame, it'd probably go right about here. Since I don't, have some Eliza-approved cheese instead.

Jaejoong wants to visit the ossuary in Kutná Hora, but since that's not as close to Prague as he thought it would be, he drags Yoochun to the nearest creepy, abandoned-looking church he can find. They prove surprisingly thin on the ground, given Czechoslovakia's reputation--"It's not Transylvania," Yoochun says, but Jaejoong ignores him--and he and Yoochun have been wandering around the darkened city for about an hour before a likely candidate presents itself.

"If it falls in and squashes us flat, Yunho's gonna be pissed," Yoochun says as they climb the rather lopsided steps to the front door. "And manager-sshi."

Jaejoong snorts. Trust Yoochun to have his priorities in order. "And they call you the adventurous one. Come on."

It's very dark and dusty inside. Jaejoong coughs as he turns on the tiny flashlight he stole from Changmin's luggage. It doesn't penetrate very far into the gloom, leaving him with only vague impressions of what might be a few ancient pews and unidentifiable trash on the floor. He aims it upward to see if there's anything more interesting above. He thinks he sees fluttering near the ceiling.

"Are those bats?" he asks Yoochun hopefully, who's shuffling around behind him.

"How would I--ow!"

Jaejoong turns his flashlight on Yoochun, which only makes Yoochun flinch and say louder, "Ow!"

"Are you all right?" Jaejoong turns the beam so it's aimed over Yoochun's shoulder, so he can see Yoochun without blinding anybody.

"Something fucking bit me." At the edge of the light, Yoochun thrusts his hand up toward Jaejoong. "See?"

Jaejoong takes the hand and squints down at it. He ends up shining the flashlight down on two tiny puncture marks. "Vampires!"

"Huh?" Yoochun bends closer to see for himself, his head brushing against Jaejoong's. "Not vampires, but it looks like you're right about the bats."

Then Yoochun tugs his hand free and starts sucking on the puncture wounds. Jaejoong smacks him. "Hey!"

"If it's a vampire, you'll turn into one if you suck at it!"

"Jaejoongie, it's not a vampire," Yoochun says very, very patiently. Then he pauses and says more faintly, "Though it could be rabies. I wanna go back to the hotel."

"Yeah, okay." Feeling bad for dragging Yoochun out to get bitten, Jaejoong wraps a handkerchief around the wound. Then he drapes Yoochun's arm over his shoulders and helps Yoochun outside as though the wound is a twisted ankle. Yoochun leans into him gladly enough, but they have to separate at the stairs or risk breaking their necks.

That's all right. Yoochun's forehead's been pressed close to Jaejoong's cross earring long enough that Jaejoong's not too worried, even when it turns out Yoochun's puncture wounds have closed up by the time they get to the hotel.

It's not until they're back in Korea that Jaejoong starts to get concerned again. After all, Yoochun's always had an aversion to daylight and a penchant for staring at Junsu's neck--which, admittedly, is well worth staring at. He's looked pale and sickly since they got back from Prague, but then, he looked pale and sickly before they went, and he's never been the biggest eater.

Then at breakfast, when everyone else is busy waking up, Jaejoong notices Yoochun's been toying with the same cup of coffee for twenty minutes, and he hasn't added any sugar to it.

"Umm, Yoochun," Jaejoong says, and Yoochun looks up at him with sleepy, bruised eyes.

"Hmm?" As though on autopilot, Yoochun reaches out for the salt, shakes some in his coffee, then brings it to his lips. "Hmm."

When he adds more salt, Jaejoong says, very calmly and reasonably, "Oh my god!"

"What?" Yunho asks, as Junsu jumps and spills juice and Changmin winces and scowls.

"Yoochun's a vampire!"

Changmin winces again, which Jaejoong feels is entirely the wrong reaction to such a pronouncement. Yunho blinks. "I'm sorry?"

Junsu's watching Yoochun. Yoochun looks up and gives Junsu a sleepy, pointy-toothed smile. Junsu drops his juice glass. "OH MY GOD."

That, Jaejoong thinks, is worth wincing for.

"Jaejoong," Yunho says, after they've cleaned up the juice and the broken glass and made sure Yoochun is supplied with a fresh pot of coffee and all the salt in the kitchen and convened in the hall, "do you know how Yoochun might have become a...err...."

"He got bitten by a bat in a church in Prague," Jaejoong answers, considering. "I don't think he's a full vampire, though, or the coffee wouldn't work. Maybe that's why it took so long, too. I mean, he didn't have the teeth until today. So maybe it's because it was a little bite. Or I stopped him sucking it. Or my cross ear--"

"Crosses!" Junsu interrupts him, and glares around at all of them. "Everybody give me your cross jewelry. Yunho, I want your crucifix. And we're drawing all the blinds in the house."

Changmin opens his mouth, probably to point out Yoochun's been fine so far, but he must remember Yoochun's fangs just in time, because he shuts it again. Then Jaejoong thinks of something else and groans. "What are we going to tell manager-sshi? We can't risk Yoochun in sunlight now, but it's not like we can call in sick."

"It'll be fine," Yoochun says, and they all turn around to see him holding his hand out into the sun streaming through the living room window. "See? No burning."

"You heard all that?" Changmin asks. Yoochun smiles again, and they're not really fangs, now that Jaejoong gets a good look, just extremely pointy. Probably good for puncturing a Starbucks lid in a pinch.

"Just the bit from Junsu instituting a new dress code. I guess the thing about vampires and acute hearing is true."

"We don't know that it's going to stay fine," Yunho points out. Yoochun shrugs and sips more coffee.

"So we make like it's an extreme case of fan craziness, and I go around in the heavy camouflage. If I start having problems during a shoot or something, you can distract manager-sshi and I head indoors."

"That's only a temporary solution."

"Maybe it's a temporary problem. Have you ever heard of a coffee vampire before?"

"That could be temporary too," Yunho says reluctantly, blushing. "I mean, the way you eye Junsu's neck--"

Jaejoong expects Junsu to squeak at that, but Junsu only snorts. "Yunho-yah, he's always done that. It's when he starts eyeing Eunhyuk's neck that we have to worry."

Yoochun chokes on his coffee. Jaejoong doesn't even think before he's back in the dining room, thumping Yoochun's back while Yunho makes worried noises, Junsu crows triumphantly, and Changmin shakes his head.

"I'm not sure how this is different," he says.

Jaejoong considers. "We'll need to buy more salt."

That sets Yoochun off again. Jaejoong wonders if a coffee vampire can die via asphyxiation.

"If I start eyeing any of Super Junior," Yoochun says when he can breathe again, "you have my permission to stake me."

"They're our friends." Yunho sounds vaguely offended. Yoochun raises an eyebrow and grins.

"Are you saying you want me to suck Super Junior, leader-sshi?"

"Um," Yunho says, blushing over every visible inch of skin.

"I'm really not sure how this is different," Changmin says. "I'm taking a shower."

Since it's their day off, they don't have to test Yoochun's ability to withstand sunlight for hours on end. He does make a point of passing by windows, though, and even borrows Junsu's crucifix.

"Yoochunnie!" Junsu protests, but Yoochun just pulls him close, snuggling into his throat. To Junsu's credit, he cups the back of Yoochun's head and doesn't flinch.

"Told you it's fine," Yoochun murmurs, eyelids drooping. "'m just a coffee vampire."

"That or it's a rare form of rabies," Changmin says dryly. Jaejoong cracks up when Yoochun flips him off behind Junsu's back and Changmin says, "Really, really not different."

Yoochun raises his face to pucker his lips in a mock-kiss. It's good to know the teeth don't get in the way of that. Jaejoong thinks they'd all be more upset about this whole thing if it did.

Yunho still looks worried. Jaejoong sits down with him on the couch and says, "We can always try to find a cure."

Yunho frowns. "For coffee vampirism?"

"Maybe decaf?"

That makes Yunho stop looking worried. He collapses against Jaejoong's side, laughing, and Jaejoong feels the warm glow of triumph. Except he's getting warmer. With a sinking feeling, he looks down at his arm closest to the living room window, then abruptly abandons the couch to retreat into the shadowed kitchen.

"Jaejoong?"

He can feel the rest of them staring at him, but he's busy staring at his reddened skin. He feels a prickle along his gumline.

"Jaejoong?" Yunho says again.

"I'm fine!" Suddenly inspired, Jaejoong turns to one of the cabinets and gets out a bottle of his beloved super-hot sauce. He uncaps it and takes a swallow.

"Jaejoong!"

The redness fades from his arm. Well, shit. Looks like it wasn't the bat after all.

~END~