What You Wish For
by Rana Eros
So I actually wrote this way back when I first saw the Xman ep featuring the whole band, the one where Jaejoong sang the first line of "Hug" to Yunho, in Chinese, and it turned out the host knew what he was saying. The episode was aired, you may all remember, with it cutting to Yunho after the host asking Jaejoong why he was singing about being Yunho's bed, and Yunho said something about being uncomfortable with a guy singing that to him. I knew there had to be more to the story, but I decided to run with the reality presented by the episode's editing, and ended up writing the first bit of what promised to be a long epic in which Yunho got to try to win Jaejoong back after saying such a thing.
Well, before I posted, I learned that Yunho had actually responded to Jaejoong by singing the next line of "Hug," but that was cut from the episode. Much relieved, I stuck an "End" on the bit of the epic I'd managed to write, and counted it a "drawer story."
Flash forward to now, and rain_streaked on LJ requesting angsty Jaeho. Since she delivers most excellent fic, and I just so happened to have some angsty Jaeho on hand, I posted in her comments. Then I realized, I should probably just post this thing and declare it AU. And I'll shut up now, because these are some longass author's notes here. Betaed by Eliza. The story, not the notes.
"How long are you going to keep this up?" Yunho asks when they're back home after filming.
Jaejoong doesn't look at him, doesn't answer for the longest time. Just when Yunho's about to snap with the frustration, Jaejoong says mildly, "Two years sounds about right, doesn't it?"
Yunho forces himself not to flinch. "Turnabout is fair play? I didn't know you were into revenge."
Now Jaejoong looks at him, eyes distant as a moonless night sky. "I thought the point was that you wanted me to be into you."
"We've been over this. Management's been over it with us. You can't--"
"You should have thought about that when you first realized I was shit at compartmentalizing." Jaejoong shrugs and rises, every move perfectly casual, perfectly relaxed. Yunho doesn't think he's ever seen him this angry. "I can't turn my heart off and on, leadersshi. I leave that to those with more professionalism."
"Jaejoong." Yunho knows better, he does, but that's part of the problem, isn't it? He's always known better, and he did it anyway. He starts to push himself up off the couch, reaching out with his free hand. "Boo, don't--"
"Don't touch me." Jaejoong looks back over his shoulder, and oh, Yunho's in it now. "Two years, you said don't think about the fans, don't worry about the cameras, don't think about management, just feel it. Just let you. You've changed your mind. Fine. Don't touch me."
"I haven't changed my mind." He wants to shout it, but he can't get enough air for that, not with Jaejoong looking at him that way.
Jaejoong's lips twist, and it's nothing like a smile. "Whatever."
Oh, there's the air. Yunho rises furious, wraps his hand around Jaejoong's upper arm, growls, "Grow up."
He has more to say, but pain explodes in his stomach. Jaejoong rips away from his suddenly nerveless fingers, and he doubles over, gagging, sees Jaejoong's fist still clenched. Jaejoong didn't go for his face, but given the reason for this argument, it could still happen.
"I told you not to touch me. I think there's plenty of evidence you've done enough of that."
"That's why, Boo," he gasps, and for a minute he thinks he really is going to be sick. Jaejoong's very strong, as the episode will showcase, and he packs a hell of a punch. Still, this is important, so Yunho swallows down the desire to just curl up into a ball for a while and keeps talking. "I know you're upset, and it's my fault, and I'm sorry. But this band is our life, and management said cool it or we'll start losing fans. No fans, no band. Is that what you want?"
"I want you to stop jerking me around! Management's a convenient excuse, Yunho, when it's been you coming to me all this time. Maybe you're the one into revenge."
Yunho's stunned. "Jaejoong, you were there, you heard them--"
"Yes, and I've heard them since they put us together. They haven't changed what they're saying, so I have to wonder why you're suddenly paying attention."
"Because you're--" responding, and that'll sound like it is revenge, when really it's just that Yunho finally realized what it would mean if Jaejoong returned his rather blatant interest. Dong Bang Shin Ki may be popular, but he's not sure it's popular enough to survive that kind of storm of controversy. And he loves Jaejoong, yes, and now it looks like Jaejoong's at least attracted, but it's the band Jaejoong loves. It's the band he has to protect, and it makes him a little crazy that Jaejoong can't see that. Which is why he says, despite still knowing better, "Because one of us has to maintain a professional distance."
Jaejoong doesn't hit him again; he does something worse. He pulls away and retreats once more into coldness. "Why settle for one when it can be both? You said I should act more professional."
He did, and he meant it, and Jaejoong really is shit at compartmentalizing, so he should have kept his hands to himself from the start. At least he manages to do that much as Jaejoong leaves the room, leaves him on the floor. But it still takes him a while to make himself get up before the others find him that way.
In the end, he manages it. He has an image to maintain.