Cesperanza issued the Elf Fic Challenge, and the inherent sadism was too much for me to resist. Besides, I knew no one else would do this fandom, and it needed to be done. Ask any ELF.

"Somebody on this boat is an elf."

Utter silence met Captain Bridger's announcement. Then, as one, the crew turned their attention to the tall, thin, blond teenager lounging against the dolphin tank. He glared back at them all and snapped his gum.

"You people all read too much Tolkien as kids," he declared. They continued to stare. He narrowed his eyes and enunciated clearly, "Go. To. Hell."

"It's not Lucas," Bridger said, shooting the teen a quelling look.

"May I ask who it is, sir?" Lt. Commander Katherine Hitchcock continued to stand at attention as every head in the room swivelled toward her and every eye noted her coloring and slim, athletic build.

"Well, actually, he sort of wanted to make the announcement himself," Bridger stalled, and the crew began shooting each other looks, checking less than subtly for pointy ears and fine features. Most eyes had settled on Lt. Tim O'Neill when there was a huge splash from the dolphin tank and they all turned to see Darwin with his head above the water, eternal dolphin smile now emphasized by, well....

Pointed ears.

"Darwin elf!" he announced proudly.

Silence fell again, more profound than the first. And then Lucas, who had lost his gum when his jaw dropped at the sight of the dolphin's ears, found his voice once more. It was, not surprisingly, sarcastic.

"I really love the curly-toed boot on your tail there, Darwin. Very nice touch. But if you tell me you want me to re-program the vocorder to translate Elfin, I'm feeding you guppies for a week."

~END~